Too random to be right...

Originally posted on myspace January 14, 2008


Good morning everyone. I can't sleep. I don't think I'm gonna post this one. I shouldn't post this one.

I'm going to the Knoxville Zoo tomorrow with the niece and sister. This will be fun; i should sleep. I am not sleeping. I want to take pictures at the zoo. I like four-word sentences.

Is it weird that I have almost completed everything on the syllabus for one of my classes. I can't stand to feel as if I need to be doing something. I can't enjoy anything until I get it done. I have a problem.

I used the shaker that is no longer hidden and some old juice. That would in part explain the odd, random blog tonight. Be proud.

So far I have managed to plan two beach trips for the summer this week. Anyone else want to go. Also, a trip to Carowinds will happen. I am cool, I know. I want to ride the Borg. If only it would snow. I want to go skiing. It's been so long. Things are so different now. This is random. Deal with it.

I keep increasing my barbell weight at the gym at this class I go to. For some reason, I can't make myself sore anymore. I am going to be buff and I will kick your ass, haha.

I have written a ridiculous amount of poetry tonight, but for some reason I can't post any of it. maybe another time. Maybe not. This is pushing it.

I think I have said this before, but it is worth repeating. I've got to stop listening to depressing music while drinking and blogging. Haha, it's the greatest though.

I wish you could be here. You are missing so much. It's not the same without you. You would be so proud, but you are never coming back. It is sad when you realize that you let an "outsider" bring things together. It is extremely sad when you realize things can't be the same now that they are gone. I also hate it when I can't verbalize my feelings. Thank God at least that there is no regret.

It's amazing how entertaining one seemingly random late night trip to Wal-Mart can be.

I need something different. I will find it. It's that time of year when I want change. It's coming up on the only time of the year that I am fully receptive to change. That is because I am in control. I don't like the change that is out of my control. Not at the moment anyway.

January is my new favorite month of the year.

You are protecting me. Thank you.

Wow, I don't think a single person is gonna understand any of this one. That is okay, maybe the Finlandia will, haha.

I have been thinking more about travel nursing lately. I have to leave this area. I used to want to do it for the money. Now, it has nothing to do with money. I don't care. I want experiences.

I want:

time to slow down, to bring you back, to have the right words, to run away, love, understanding, to know how to help, closure, clearer thoughts, simplicity, to figure out what i want, to let you in, to see the bigger picture, to make the right decisions, life experiences, you to notice me, more hope than i have, to help, deeper relationships, knowledge, rest, something new, to break out of my routine, strength...

I have:

strength, more than i should have, hope, a different understanding than you, dreams, failures, peace, interesting things to say, learned a lot, more optimism than is apparent, uncertainty, too many thoughts, delayed grieving, normalcy, more luck than is deserved, to let my guard down, over-analyzed things to a ridiculous level, a happy heart, an odd sense of humor, a lot to be happy for...

Wow, morning's gonna come early.

Night