Anothe one? Already?

Originally posted on myspace January 21, 2008


It seems as if I'm blogging more often than usual. That is alarming. I will tell you what is on my mind right now. It's not much, haha.

I want to go to the Breaking Benjamin/Seether/Three Days Grace concert at Freedom Hall on March 8th. It will probably not happen because I have a sister who has a child, a friend who is too far away who doesn't like my music, and many many other reasons why this will not happen. Oh well. I have never been to a good concert and I really should add this to my life list. If anyone who reads this (although it's not many anymore because I made my site private) would like to go, we should go. It would be fun.

It was fun to eat sushi tonight. It has been too long.

It's funny how people enter your lives for certain reasons. It can be to learn something new from them or it can be situational and all kinds of other things. I need to let go of whatever I was hoping for and just see things for how they really are. Why do I always strive for wonderful when things are already great? I'm really not that hard to please, but when it comes to things pertaining to myself it's an impossible feat. I am not allowed to say this but I have horribly low expectations. It's a learned coping mechanism put in place in order to avoid disappointment. Wow, doesn't that sound healthy?

Why do people settle? This is an act of self-hate and desperation and is totally not necessary or helpful.

I need to distance myself.

I think a trip to Chattanooga is in the near future in February. Shopping, drinking, talking, and good times. It will end soon, but what will become of it. It was a damn good thing while it lasted and at least I knew it while it was happening. In retrospect, I don't think I'd change a thing.

I am sad to say that my peace lily is dying. It is rather depressing considering it was given to me by Kole and Austin during recent sad times. I guess it should be watered more often than once a week. It is wilting. I expect for it to make a full recovery though now that I have discovered that I should perhaps water it a little more often. I am less responsible the older I get. I am certain that this is not normal. Oops.

I really did mean it when I said congrats. I hate that you don't know me well enough to understand that. Yeah it's sad, but hell good job.

Give me a chance. It takes me a second you know.

I should be working on stuff for school. Instead I am writing and drinking wine and listening to an awesome new (old) cd. Fun times.

Why is time going by so fast? I don't even remember last week. I think in my attempt to begin new things, I have taken on too much. While it is fun and I seem to thrive under stressful circumstances, this is no way to enjoy life. It's funny that I say this though because this is the absolutely easiest life has ever been for me. Yet again, I am still not satisfied. What the hell is missing?

My perspective on life has changed drastically this year. I think that's a good, normal thing for me though. I am too quick to plan out the exact sequence of my life and that is just not practical. Although I tend to like control a little too much, I kind of like it when life throws you something completely unexpected. It makes things interesting in a good way.

I want to go skiing. I want a lot of things. I want to escape. I have all that I need.

I don't think I'm up for the job of being a support person. Why am I not good at this? I wonder if bitterness has gotten in the way. It's a damn shame if it has because that is counterproductive. I feel incompetent in this area and that is not very helpful for either one of us.

The zoo with my niece was awesome. It's interesting to watch my niece. She is how I would have been if I had grown up in a normal environment. Oh hell, did I just say that out loud. I'll blame that one on the alcohol. Thank God for well-adjusted kids.

Why can't people just be straight forward?

It has been brought to my attention by an unnamed person that I am unapproachable, rigid, yet respected. They said this was a compliment. Damn. Is this true? How does one obtain such descriptive adjectives? I am nice damnit. I really am.

I need something new.

I don't want that anymore. My wants have been changed for a while now. Things are changing too quickly. I am too honest. Is that really a bad thing?

Btw, I haven't proof read this, so don't be a hater.

Hey, you may not have enjoyed this post, but you will enjoy the song...