I began this with Green Day and I will end this with Green Day. Okay, here we go...
"Dreaming, I was only dreaming. Of another place and time where my family's from...
Singing, I can hear them singing. When the rain had washed away all these scattered dreams..."
- Before the Lobotomy (Green Day, duh.)
There should be some rules against the posting of lyrics that already exist as one's ringtone, but why should it even matter...don't judge...
I thank you.
There really was little that was actually lost in all of this, but a considerable amount was gained.
What was there before is still here now, but I am more now than I was before.
It was wrong from the beginning, apparently.
Funny. Did you know that if you don't eat for long enough, you no longer feel hungry? In addition to this, it helps cancel out that bad feeling that has crept into my stomach. Yay, for me.
The walls of my apartment are now patchy due to an unfortunate mismatching of paint. These patchy walls serve as a constant reminder of how one color can look as if it would go well with the other, but the two colors obviously don't blend well together once applied permanently.
high hurt = pure peace
lost love = new hope
Sometimes short chapters are more fulfilling and have more content than an entire book.
Those sure were some awesome memories...and some awesome people...
I understand.
I would not go back and do anything differently.
All good things must eventually end, while the good things lead the way to the better things...those of which i hope don't end.
What is wrong can seem right, but will still be wrong, when in fact things are exactly how they should be. (there are two ways to apply this one, as there usually is...)
I am good. I really am. Intentions often can be more important than actions. There are some things I am not used to having to think about. I have been playing catch up for the latter part of my life only to discover that there are still things that should already be known to me...that should be habit. They are not, yet, and that is not your fault. It is not mine either...
You took me off my guard and expected more than I could give. That was not fair.
When there is nothing left to do that could change the course of things, there is nothing left to do but to go on... quite stronger than before.
I'm sorry.
Harsh. Illogical. Unfair = Gentle. Fitting. Right.
Unless you have lived my life, you will never be able to comprehend where it is that I am coming from... or I you. And that is okay.
You can make any situation good or bad depending on your own perspectives and your own perceptions regarding the situation at hand. I prefer to take the positive route this time.
I refuse to let this turn inward.
There will be no more blogs on this subject. I am not so sure there needs to be any more blogs anyway.
Good luck to you. I know I'll need it.
Night,
E
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
sunshine and fun times...
"Happiness is just outside my window.
I thought it'd crash blowing eighty miles an hour.
But happiness is a little more like knocking.
On your door, you just let it in."
- "Happiness" The Fray (yay!)
Blogs are more abundant these days, it seems...
The sun shines brighter when we allow it to. We envision what we want too.
So, as I've mentioned several times already, this year is hardcore in the running as being named my 'best year ever' (out of 25, whoa). Although it has little competition, there is no reason to assume that this should be an easy victory.
This month and a portion of last month have greatly increased the odds.
I like:
- sunny days by the pool
- reading new (old) books
- when great food is grilled
- new flat irons
- kicking ass in chess
- arm veins
- wedding receptions
- E necklaces
- monogrammed bags
- new cds (hey two songs are good)
- the idea of skydiving
- getting the first one out of the way
- organizing my closets
- selling my burden of an elliptical
- buying gifts
- the beginning
- new months
- keeping up with the old and loving the new
So, I've recently acquired a house pet. And by house pet, i mean an outdoor spider. His name is Colin. Despite the fact that I knock the web in front of my door down on a daily basis, he comes back and weaves a web even more intricate than the last. I can't help but feel as if he is protecting my home (cracked paint job doors and all) and me. I can find symbolism in anything. That's just how I am.
Now, if only he had an affinity for ants...then I would welcome him inside warmly.
Hey, maybe I will be ready when you are ready for round number two. It would be about time.
If I lessen control, if I open up...does that make me weak really? All along I have been wrong. It in fact takes strength to allow such vulnerability. I am vulnerable.
The wedding last week was quite the success. The reunion in Chattanooga was different on many levels, but different is good.
It is amazing what effect the sun has on my mood. Oh yeah, and you. Yes you.
I am hoping to cross off another item on my Life List in about two weeks. Can you say 45-second freefall. I can.
It is time to say good night. The night is not nearly over...
E
I thought it'd crash blowing eighty miles an hour.
But happiness is a little more like knocking.
On your door, you just let it in."
- "Happiness" The Fray (yay!)
Blogs are more abundant these days, it seems...
The sun shines brighter when we allow it to. We envision what we want too.
So, as I've mentioned several times already, this year is hardcore in the running as being named my 'best year ever' (out of 25, whoa). Although it has little competition, there is no reason to assume that this should be an easy victory.
This month and a portion of last month have greatly increased the odds.
I like:
- sunny days by the pool
- reading new (old) books
- when great food is grilled
- new flat irons
- kicking ass in chess
- arm veins
- wedding receptions
- E necklaces
- monogrammed bags
- new cds (hey two songs are good)
- the idea of skydiving
- getting the first one out of the way
- organizing my closets
- selling my burden of an elliptical
- buying gifts
- the beginning
- new months
- keeping up with the old and loving the new
So, I've recently acquired a house pet. And by house pet, i mean an outdoor spider. His name is Colin. Despite the fact that I knock the web in front of my door down on a daily basis, he comes back and weaves a web even more intricate than the last. I can't help but feel as if he is protecting my home (cracked paint job doors and all) and me. I can find symbolism in anything. That's just how I am.
Now, if only he had an affinity for ants...then I would welcome him inside warmly.
Hey, maybe I will be ready when you are ready for round number two. It would be about time.
If I lessen control, if I open up...does that make me weak really? All along I have been wrong. It in fact takes strength to allow such vulnerability. I am vulnerable.
The wedding last week was quite the success. The reunion in Chattanooga was different on many levels, but different is good.
It is amazing what effect the sun has on my mood. Oh yeah, and you. Yes you.
I am hoping to cross off another item on my Life List in about two weeks. Can you say 45-second freefall. I can.
It is time to say good night. The night is not nearly over...
E
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
my view
Higher ground, but not enough away
to catch a clearer view.
From my spot, I spot a way
to show me what I should do.
So I throw a rock from my place
to see how far it can fall.
Since from this space, I now may face
a fate I've only tried to stall.
Watching now, I watch and wait
as my rock's released in flight.
It lands unscathed as if to say
this place is quite alright!
to catch a clearer view.
From my spot, I spot a way
to show me what I should do.
So I throw a rock from my place
to see how far it can fall.
Since from this space, I now may face
a fate I've only tried to stall.
Watching now, I watch and wait
as my rock's released in flight.
It lands unscathed as if to say
this place is quite alright!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
relax.ride.relate.
"I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge and where I walk alone"
- Green Day (duh)
It has been difficult to blog this month, but I'll give it a try anyways. It seems as if I am only able to blog if it is in my standard vague-like fashion. This should be interesting...
Speaking of interesting, life has been rather impressive lately. It's funny how one random act can lead to events that are out of my control. Since I was too little to remember, I have been fighting for control of my life, my emotions, my thoughts, my circumstances...you name it and I have wanted to control it (with reason, I assure you). Maybe I have been wrong this whole time. Damn.
I don't remember this time of year ever being as enjoyable as it is now.
There is just one thought on forgiveness that I find it necessary to throw out there. We are not required to forgive if you are still seemingly unaware of your wrongdoings. This means that you have not changed, that you do not understand, and that you would do the same thing again if placed back in the same situation. This does not mean that I am resentful. I am merely practical, smart, and have boundaries. (yeah, I said it).
My birthday is next week and I am feeling increasingly older. I no longer want what I wanted last year, I no longer get carded when I order a drink, and I can't share a hottub with teenagers without their abrupt departure (not that I minded that one, but you get the point).
I have been vehemently avoiding the plateau only to find that it is perhaps what I have been running towards the whole time. Awesome.
This month and some of last month I have decided / discovered:
- I am just as normal / abnormal as everyone else. Okay fine, I am a little stranger than some.
- My mood is unfortunately determined by the weather.
- Family beach trips are more fun than I would have thought.
- I want to fly to Memphis.
- I could live off seafood and water for the rest of my life. You can turn water into wine, right?
- A food pantry is in the works for Johnson City. Nice work sister.
- Cervical cancer is just as scared of me as I am of it (I hope).
- There have been a large amount of parentheses used in this blog. Hell, they are even in the title.
- I'm not so sure my Honda likes me as much as I like her (yes, she's female). If she liked me she would know that a check engine light is not an acceptable way of communicating with me. Then again, communication has never been one of my strong strengths.
- I do not wish to be cremated and put on display inside of an urn. Also, funeral services are creepy.
- Ants have a special affinity for my apartment and I am beginning to feel dirty.
- If you have to work at things to make them work, you are in fact wasting your time. I realize that this statement does not apply in every setting you may be dreaming up, but it does to me.
I made the unfortunate mistake of thinking that I wouldn't ever have to remedy the problem. Things are quickly able to get out of hand if one or both are not as attentive as necessary.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an ant to go crush...
E
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge and where I walk alone"
- Green Day (duh)
It has been difficult to blog this month, but I'll give it a try anyways. It seems as if I am only able to blog if it is in my standard vague-like fashion. This should be interesting...
Speaking of interesting, life has been rather impressive lately. It's funny how one random act can lead to events that are out of my control. Since I was too little to remember, I have been fighting for control of my life, my emotions, my thoughts, my circumstances...you name it and I have wanted to control it (with reason, I assure you). Maybe I have been wrong this whole time. Damn.
I don't remember this time of year ever being as enjoyable as it is now.
There is just one thought on forgiveness that I find it necessary to throw out there. We are not required to forgive if you are still seemingly unaware of your wrongdoings. This means that you have not changed, that you do not understand, and that you would do the same thing again if placed back in the same situation. This does not mean that I am resentful. I am merely practical, smart, and have boundaries. (yeah, I said it).
My birthday is next week and I am feeling increasingly older. I no longer want what I wanted last year, I no longer get carded when I order a drink, and I can't share a hottub with teenagers without their abrupt departure (not that I minded that one, but you get the point).
I have been vehemently avoiding the plateau only to find that it is perhaps what I have been running towards the whole time. Awesome.
This month and some of last month I have decided / discovered:
- I am just as normal / abnormal as everyone else. Okay fine, I am a little stranger than some.
- My mood is unfortunately determined by the weather.
- Family beach trips are more fun than I would have thought.
- I want to fly to Memphis.
- I could live off seafood and water for the rest of my life. You can turn water into wine, right?
- A food pantry is in the works for Johnson City. Nice work sister.
- Cervical cancer is just as scared of me as I am of it (I hope).
- There have been a large amount of parentheses used in this blog. Hell, they are even in the title.
- I'm not so sure my Honda likes me as much as I like her (yes, she's female). If she liked me she would know that a check engine light is not an acceptable way of communicating with me. Then again, communication has never been one of my strong strengths.
- I do not wish to be cremated and put on display inside of an urn. Also, funeral services are creepy.
- Ants have a special affinity for my apartment and I am beginning to feel dirty.
- If you have to work at things to make them work, you are in fact wasting your time. I realize that this statement does not apply in every setting you may be dreaming up, but it does to me.
I made the unfortunate mistake of thinking that I wouldn't ever have to remedy the problem. Things are quickly able to get out of hand if one or both are not as attentive as necessary.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an ant to go crush...
E
Sunday, April 12, 2009
springtime weather mixed with a little rain...
is more than i could ever hope for...
This Easter has been full of balloon-filled egg hunts, frightening discussions, and some of the old mixed in with the new. Most of all, I will remember what all has had to happen to make things arrive at the point they are at currently.
I am loving the bay's mountain pass that I bought this year and I am fully intending on getting plenty of use out of it.
The trip to Nashville that work sent me and a couple coworkers to last week was surprisingly survived by all. I am happy to report that my understanding of water treatment systems for dialysis has greatly been increased, but more importantly, I was able to expand my wardrobe. Thankfully, our hotel was nicely positioned across the street from some good shopping which helped make the trip tolerable.
At this time next week, I will be at the beach (yay!). At this time next month, I will probably pay off my car. At this time next year, I want something more.
i am not as great as i think i am, but i am more than i like to think i am.
I firmly believe my mid-life crisis has come early. What the hell am I doing here?
You are trying to rectify the wrong. That's considered progress in my book. Keep it up.
It has been a busy month and the year is still continuing to pick up momentum. I like momentum...when it is going in the right direction that is. So far, so good.
For some reason T-mobile decided to reduce my rate plan by twenty dollars and increase my coverage area to nationwide. sweet. They have almost managed to redeem themselves after the night last month when I had no service for an hour while I was on call. Bastards!
There have been several discoveries this month. One of which has led to the realization that it is time to figure out how I feel. How am I supposed to want more...to expect more when I won't give you more. Perhaps it is true that you get what you give. However, I am the one getting and you are the one giving and that is not fair. Oops, I never promised to be good at this.
it.is.time.to.start.a.new.chapter.
and.i.will.
I know this has been long, but I feel the need to leave you with something that I have written. I have posted so many important quotes and lyrics here lately that I have failed to put some of my new stuff on here.
humor me...
written on a park bench at Bay's Mountain Park while eating an apple! I know I am cool...
confusing times and unrealistic reigns
that ruled me inefficiently
treading water to stay afloat
but breathing insufficiently
the backwards led me here
where hollow roots i walk
to lose my balance with no substance
in which to break my fall
pulled under by uncertain ways
that held me under forcefully
outstretching hands to find relief
but shaking uncontrollably
the backwards led me here
where happiness awaits
to gain my footing with new feeling
which empowers me to stay
Night,
E
This Easter has been full of balloon-filled egg hunts, frightening discussions, and some of the old mixed in with the new. Most of all, I will remember what all has had to happen to make things arrive at the point they are at currently.
I am loving the bay's mountain pass that I bought this year and I am fully intending on getting plenty of use out of it.
The trip to Nashville that work sent me and a couple coworkers to last week was surprisingly survived by all. I am happy to report that my understanding of water treatment systems for dialysis has greatly been increased, but more importantly, I was able to expand my wardrobe. Thankfully, our hotel was nicely positioned across the street from some good shopping which helped make the trip tolerable.
At this time next week, I will be at the beach (yay!). At this time next month, I will probably pay off my car. At this time next year, I want something more.
i am not as great as i think i am, but i am more than i like to think i am.
I firmly believe my mid-life crisis has come early. What the hell am I doing here?
You are trying to rectify the wrong. That's considered progress in my book. Keep it up.
It has been a busy month and the year is still continuing to pick up momentum. I like momentum...when it is going in the right direction that is. So far, so good.
For some reason T-mobile decided to reduce my rate plan by twenty dollars and increase my coverage area to nationwide. sweet. They have almost managed to redeem themselves after the night last month when I had no service for an hour while I was on call. Bastards!
There have been several discoveries this month. One of which has led to the realization that it is time to figure out how I feel. How am I supposed to want more...to expect more when I won't give you more. Perhaps it is true that you get what you give. However, I am the one getting and you are the one giving and that is not fair. Oops, I never promised to be good at this.
it.is.time.to.start.a.new.chapter.
and.i.will.
I know this has been long, but I feel the need to leave you with something that I have written. I have posted so many important quotes and lyrics here lately that I have failed to put some of my new stuff on here.
humor me...
written on a park bench at Bay's Mountain Park while eating an apple! I know I am cool...
confusing times and unrealistic reigns
that ruled me inefficiently
treading water to stay afloat
but breathing insufficiently
the backwards led me here
where hollow roots i walk
to lose my balance with no substance
in which to break my fall
pulled under by uncertain ways
that held me under forcefully
outstretching hands to find relief
but shaking uncontrollably
the backwards led me here
where happiness awaits
to gain my footing with new feeling
which empowers me to stay
Night,
E
Saturday, March 21, 2009
spring forward
"You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I
wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life,
anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life
can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating
flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a
trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."
- E.B. White (Charlotte's Webb)
Thank you. You still continuously affect me more than you are able to understand.
Well, good evening to you and what a good evening it is...once again. I am catching up on last week's grey's anatomy and the office while being slightly lazy. Earlier, however, I worked out and then promptly drove to the park to go jogging. The weather was so nice that I couldn't pass up the opportunity. However, my legs are now revolting...awesome.
I just opened a bottle of chianti. That is exciting.
I wonder if the quality of my blogs suffers when I am simultaneously facebook chatting while writing. probably.
I am going hiking tomorrow. It has been a year since I last went hiking. I love the beginning of Spring! Newness is an asset that we all take for granted from time to time.
I still want to join the Navy Nurse Corps. I thought that this desire would diminish, but it is steadily increasing..
And what am I doing here that is all that worthwhile? Nothing but prolonging suffering...and saving the occasional life.
Life is so good sometimes that I have to question whether or not this is me...my life...my reality. I am left to wonder if I could make it better...
I am fortunate to be able to find significance in the small things, and to find hope in the nothings, and love in the somethings...
Things are growing, things are changing...I am resisting, I am running...
But what else would there be? I have become that person.
You are not here, you never were. Should it matter if i am or if I ever were?
Due to my recent computer purchase, my sad Sansa is now basically useless. I plan on giving my Sansa away to my sister if she wants it. Now I want to buy an Ipod touch and have something cool engraved on it. So, if you have a cool idea regarding what I shoud have engraved on it, you should pass it my way..
Two years ago we were strangers. Now, we have evolved into something indescribable. Milestones have been reached and for that I am lucky. How can you expect me to think of you when you are not here?
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you
didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail
away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
And now it's time to say goodnight...
E.
wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life,
anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life
can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating
flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a
trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."
- E.B. White (Charlotte's Webb)
Thank you. You still continuously affect me more than you are able to understand.
Well, good evening to you and what a good evening it is...once again. I am catching up on last week's grey's anatomy and the office while being slightly lazy. Earlier, however, I worked out and then promptly drove to the park to go jogging. The weather was so nice that I couldn't pass up the opportunity. However, my legs are now revolting...awesome.
I just opened a bottle of chianti. That is exciting.
I wonder if the quality of my blogs suffers when I am simultaneously facebook chatting while writing. probably.
I am going hiking tomorrow. It has been a year since I last went hiking. I love the beginning of Spring! Newness is an asset that we all take for granted from time to time.
I still want to join the Navy Nurse Corps. I thought that this desire would diminish, but it is steadily increasing..
And what am I doing here that is all that worthwhile? Nothing but prolonging suffering...and saving the occasional life.
Life is so good sometimes that I have to question whether or not this is me...my life...my reality. I am left to wonder if I could make it better...
I am fortunate to be able to find significance in the small things, and to find hope in the nothings, and love in the somethings...
Things are growing, things are changing...I am resisting, I am running...
But what else would there be? I have become that person.
You are not here, you never were. Should it matter if i am or if I ever were?
Due to my recent computer purchase, my sad Sansa is now basically useless. I plan on giving my Sansa away to my sister if she wants it. Now I want to buy an Ipod touch and have something cool engraved on it. So, if you have a cool idea regarding what I shoud have engraved on it, you should pass it my way..
Two years ago we were strangers. Now, we have evolved into something indescribable. Milestones have been reached and for that I am lucky. How can you expect me to think of you when you are not here?
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you
didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail
away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
And now it's time to say goodnight...
E.
mid-month madness
"we cut the legs off of our pants. threw our shoes in the ocean. sit
back and wave through the daylight. sit back and wave through the
daylight."
Happiness. Eagerness. Aimlessness. Randomness. Thankfulness.
The momentum of the year has thankfully carried over into March, making this perhaps the best year of my life so far. I know, I know, there isn't that much competition, but it is still significant to me.
The Memphis trip proved to be even more awesome than expected. My first real experience with carpooling wasn't the disaster that I was anticipating (except for stupidly getting lost a couple of times). It seemed to be a success for all who were involved, but most importantly for the bride-to-be. Here are a few highlights in a few short words:
- "Roofies, what?", drunk dancing, forgotten cab rides, redheaded curse, H2s and Jesus (the Spanish one), zoo animals, fun people, to-do lists and tiaras, jukeboxes, "bad-ass duck", divers, and yes fried pickles.
Your pain = My pain
and that makes me think i care...
i should have been there...i was there...but i wasn't.
It might be time to examine my feelings a little bit.
All in all, it has been a random month / year. Happiness is a fleeting reward that rescues us from reality.
My Honda has been the lucky recipient of an excessive amount of preventative maintenance this year. I think I have spent more money on the upkeep of my faithful Honda than I have on myself, but my Honda is a happy Honda.
I am pretty happy that I was able to find a home for my new tv with the help of an old friend. Is it weird that I enjoy giving things away more than I enjoy buying them? Well, except for that bathing suit that I bought online this week. I noticed that another sports store has appeared in the mall. I believe I once said that I wouldn't go back after they haphazardly placed a Lids in the food court, but now I am thinking that a full-fledged boycott might be in order.
Hold on. I must leave you for a second to kill a spider that is currently crawling across my carpet - very close to my foot...
Okay, that's better. I may have coexisted with a ladybug that lived in my bathroom for about a week, but I refuse to coexist with a spider - although it was a small one. It is important to decide what you are willing to live with and what you won't live with. Ultimately, you are the one in control of such things..if you want to be.
"and in the daylight we could hitchhike to Maine. i hope that someday,
i'll see without these frames. and in the daylight, i don't pick up my
phone. 'cause in the daylight, anywhere feels like home."
Night,
E
back and wave through the daylight. sit back and wave through the
daylight."
Happiness. Eagerness. Aimlessness. Randomness. Thankfulness.
The momentum of the year has thankfully carried over into March, making this perhaps the best year of my life so far. I know, I know, there isn't that much competition, but it is still significant to me.
The Memphis trip proved to be even more awesome than expected. My first real experience with carpooling wasn't the disaster that I was anticipating (except for stupidly getting lost a couple of times). It seemed to be a success for all who were involved, but most importantly for the bride-to-be. Here are a few highlights in a few short words:
- "Roofies, what?", drunk dancing, forgotten cab rides, redheaded curse, H2s and Jesus (the Spanish one), zoo animals, fun people, to-do lists and tiaras, jukeboxes, "bad-ass duck", divers, and yes fried pickles.
Your pain = My pain
and that makes me think i care...
i should have been there...i was there...but i wasn't.
It might be time to examine my feelings a little bit.
All in all, it has been a random month / year. Happiness is a fleeting reward that rescues us from reality.
My Honda has been the lucky recipient of an excessive amount of preventative maintenance this year. I think I have spent more money on the upkeep of my faithful Honda than I have on myself, but my Honda is a happy Honda.
I am pretty happy that I was able to find a home for my new tv with the help of an old friend. Is it weird that I enjoy giving things away more than I enjoy buying them? Well, except for that bathing suit that I bought online this week. I noticed that another sports store has appeared in the mall. I believe I once said that I wouldn't go back after they haphazardly placed a Lids in the food court, but now I am thinking that a full-fledged boycott might be in order.
Hold on. I must leave you for a second to kill a spider that is currently crawling across my carpet - very close to my foot...
Okay, that's better. I may have coexisted with a ladybug that lived in my bathroom for about a week, but I refuse to coexist with a spider - although it was a small one. It is important to decide what you are willing to live with and what you won't live with. Ultimately, you are the one in control of such things..if you want to be.
"and in the daylight we could hitchhike to Maine. i hope that someday,
i'll see without these frames. and in the daylight, i don't pick up my
phone. 'cause in the daylight, anywhere feels like home."
Night,
E
Thursday, February 19, 2009
happiness and sappiness. enjoy.
"But let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home"
Hello again and hello to me. We have only met, just recently...
I believe I have talked before about reciprocal relationships (although it was probably so vague that you don't remember). I am finally learning that for every negative, there really is a positive. For once, positivity prevails. I know, I am as shocked as you are. It might have taken longer than necessary to get to it, but get used to it.
The chance to go back. To cancel out. One x One x One.
Maybe happiness is when the positives finally begin to outweigh all of the negatives. Once they have cancelled themselves out, I am afforded the ability to build up the positive experiences...and leave the negative ones behind. There are many, but that is most likely what makes the positives so abundant and so appreciated.
Something has changed and it is drastic - in a really good way. I can't articulate what has changed, what exactly is different, or why I feel this way, but I am different and I am convinced that this is a good thing.
I catch myself smiling for no real reason. I am smiling. I can't help it.
-I know you maybe don't feel like you can, but you can! And you want
to. However, it needs to be when you are ready...I'm not so sure
you'll ever actually feel ready.
I am buying a new computer tomorrow. My current one was a gift to me and it will be given away again.
I enjoy it when people cook me meals.
I enjoy familiarity coupled with newness.
I enjoy reuniting every few weeks.
I enjoy.
There are many pictures that will one day make it to my site. I had an especially disastrous experience at the local Walgreens this week that made me never want to look at another picture again. Although I did receive several discounts, some extra cds, and a bunch of pictures of some family's Christmas dinner whom I do not know and never will know, I have finally received my prints. One day, I will upload them. However, I am more of a fan of facebook these days.
Where exactly did you go? Why so detached?
I am so proud of you. You have always been and continue to be my example of normalcy (funny, i know). What's even funnier is that I needed one...
I think (at the moment), my life:
roses...not the kind you're thinking of, fettucini, freedom, 8%, notepad, gorillas, document!, expanding E, no detachment, texting, positivity, correspondence, permanance, job offers, wedding registries, released...
We don't have to be alike. Eventually we all become the same...
Night,
E
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home"
Hello again and hello to me. We have only met, just recently...
I believe I have talked before about reciprocal relationships (although it was probably so vague that you don't remember). I am finally learning that for every negative, there really is a positive. For once, positivity prevails. I know, I am as shocked as you are. It might have taken longer than necessary to get to it, but get used to it.
The chance to go back. To cancel out. One x One x One.
Maybe happiness is when the positives finally begin to outweigh all of the negatives. Once they have cancelled themselves out, I am afforded the ability to build up the positive experiences...and leave the negative ones behind. There are many, but that is most likely what makes the positives so abundant and so appreciated.
Something has changed and it is drastic - in a really good way. I can't articulate what has changed, what exactly is different, or why I feel this way, but I am different and I am convinced that this is a good thing.
I catch myself smiling for no real reason. I am smiling. I can't help it.
-I know you maybe don't feel like you can, but you can! And you want
to. However, it needs to be when you are ready...I'm not so sure
you'll ever actually feel ready.
I am buying a new computer tomorrow. My current one was a gift to me and it will be given away again.
I enjoy it when people cook me meals.
I enjoy familiarity coupled with newness.
I enjoy reuniting every few weeks.
I enjoy.
There are many pictures that will one day make it to my site. I had an especially disastrous experience at the local Walgreens this week that made me never want to look at another picture again. Although I did receive several discounts, some extra cds, and a bunch of pictures of some family's Christmas dinner whom I do not know and never will know, I have finally received my prints. One day, I will upload them. However, I am more of a fan of facebook these days.
Where exactly did you go? Why so detached?
I am so proud of you. You have always been and continue to be my example of normalcy (funny, i know). What's even funnier is that I needed one...
I think (at the moment), my life:
roses...not the kind you're thinking of, fettucini, freedom, 8%, notepad, gorillas, document!, expanding E, no detachment, texting, positivity, correspondence, permanance, job offers, wedding registries, released...
We don't have to be alike. Eventually we all become the same...
Night,
E
plastic swords + fried pickles = my weekend recap
Good Monday to you and what good times have been had.
"What if what I want makes you sad at me?"
Well, this persistently perky mood of mine has fortunately decided to stick around for the past couple of weeks. Perhaps I am shooting for a record here...
Because it would set a record for me. And that is cool. So, anyways, I will just go with it.
Maybe it is a good thing not being in school anymore. Maybe I am exiting my unnecessary but unavoidable panic mode a little prematurely than planned. That is a good thing. However, I have discovered that i now have an intense urge to move. That might be a good thing as well.
Well, I'm certain that it feels like a lot. It is a lot. However, there is much more that must be taken into consideration if staying is what you choose to do. It is difficult when particular situations only allow you to see from one perspective. From my angle, there is only one real option, but that is just me and you are you.
Awkward conversation between the awesome Sears tire guy and myself.
Tire guy: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Um, I believe I need two new tires. I am not good with tires and don't know which two need replacing - here is my receipt from last year."
Tire guy: "Wow, you may not know tires, but you are good at keeping up with things!"
Me: "Yes, yes I am"
A few highlights from the weekend and of life in general :
Fun, random night in with fun, random people. You really can't go wrong when monopoly, twister, homemade long island teas, panda shot glasses, and cheap plastic swords are involved.
New cds + great weather = amazingly nice 3-hour drives
There's nothing like a roadtrip to Chattanooga to help revive the days that existed before $400 plane tickets to Memphis became a necessity.
Falling asleep for the first time on someone's back on a crappy futon while watching "The Dark Knight" for the third time, might have made it the best time.
Eating some excellent chicken fries and fried pickles at an excellent establishment.
New tires for the old Honda!
Unexpected Valentine's Day visit plans. I relearned today that I love buying presents. Hopefully I won't get called in that night.
Helping, although in a rather small way, with the wedding plans.
Too many phone calls. Too many of a lot of things.
I have learned that I am unable to do much of anything the traditional way these days. That's not really a bad thing.
A trip to the best Japanese restaurant with the best friend ever. Fortune cookie - "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!"
A return to normalcy that I actually look forward to and enjoy. There is no longer a need to want to escape and for that I will always be thankful.
There is so much more that I can't seem to remember. Maybe later...
That's all for now.
Life is good, so good night to you,
E
(Sorry I am a slacker, but this was originally posted on my myspace 2.9.09)
"What if what I want makes you sad at me?"
Well, this persistently perky mood of mine has fortunately decided to stick around for the past couple of weeks. Perhaps I am shooting for a record here...
Because it would set a record for me. And that is cool. So, anyways, I will just go with it.
Maybe it is a good thing not being in school anymore. Maybe I am exiting my unnecessary but unavoidable panic mode a little prematurely than planned. That is a good thing. However, I have discovered that i now have an intense urge to move. That might be a good thing as well.
Well, I'm certain that it feels like a lot. It is a lot. However, there is much more that must be taken into consideration if staying is what you choose to do. It is difficult when particular situations only allow you to see from one perspective. From my angle, there is only one real option, but that is just me and you are you.
Awkward conversation between the awesome Sears tire guy and myself.
Tire guy: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Um, I believe I need two new tires. I am not good with tires and don't know which two need replacing - here is my receipt from last year."
Tire guy: "Wow, you may not know tires, but you are good at keeping up with things!"
Me: "Yes, yes I am"
A few highlights from the weekend and of life in general :
Fun, random night in with fun, random people. You really can't go wrong when monopoly, twister, homemade long island teas, panda shot glasses, and cheap plastic swords are involved.
New cds + great weather = amazingly nice 3-hour drives
There's nothing like a roadtrip to Chattanooga to help revive the days that existed before $400 plane tickets to Memphis became a necessity.
Falling asleep for the first time on someone's back on a crappy futon while watching "The Dark Knight" for the third time, might have made it the best time.
Eating some excellent chicken fries and fried pickles at an excellent establishment.
New tires for the old Honda!
Unexpected Valentine's Day visit plans. I relearned today that I love buying presents. Hopefully I won't get called in that night.
Helping, although in a rather small way, with the wedding plans.
Too many phone calls. Too many of a lot of things.
I have learned that I am unable to do much of anything the traditional way these days. That's not really a bad thing.
A trip to the best Japanese restaurant with the best friend ever. Fortune cookie - "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!"
A return to normalcy that I actually look forward to and enjoy. There is no longer a need to want to escape and for that I will always be thankful.
There is so much more that I can't seem to remember. Maybe later...
That's all for now.
Life is good, so good night to you,
E
(Sorry I am a slacker, but this was originally posted on my myspace 2.9.09)
detaching vs reconnecting
January is over. I hope February is even better...if that's even possible...
It will be a month that I remember for quite some time. January has always been a favorite month of mine...
Too tired, a good tired, to figure it all out...
So, like the cool person that I am, I went to the 3 doors down / hinder concert last weekend despite the fact that I was going on 3 hours of sleep (thanks work) and had a raging cold. Wow, the opening band was great! Safetysuit!!! I waited outside in the cold for over an hour (which I'm certain was not good for my persistently pesky runny nose). During this time, my concert companions formed a huddle in order to stay warm. There were great pictures / videos taken with my new camera, great times had by all, and a lot of yelling and letting loose on my part.
Sometimes patience pays off. Blind trust. Exhilaration.
And there was some sadness and worry as well this month. Sadness that I deal with on a daily basis, but in a different way. A personal way. Sadness that I had stupidly considered myself to be immune to and have since discovered that I am not. Some discoveries I wish to not find out. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.
For every negative, a positive exists. Reciprocality (to me) is the hope that things will eventually become better. It is the nature of things.
A snowstorm of blizzard-like proportions would be much appreciated this month. Then I could go sledding again with the newly revived sister and the niece. Oh yeah, and maybe a ski trip could happen too!
It's a shame that after all these years we have gone in opposite directions. Although I'm certain you have some close-minded argument regarding this, I happen to like the way that I have grown better than the direction that you have grown. And I hate that.
I was pleasantly surprised when my bridesmaid dress that I had ordered online was patiently waiting for me upon my arrival from work last week. If I keep constantly consuming Zaxby's as frequently as I have been, it is a definite possibility that I will no longer be able to fit into my dress for Kole's big day.
There is a chance that this year will replace '07 as my best year yet. There is still a lot to look forward to. It doesn't take much to make me happy and I plan to keep it that way.
recap of the month...quickly and vaguely...i hope!
- confetti/foam, live music, sold, learning to teach, Disney decision, fun cooking, reconnecting, partially thawed, closure, new plans, Morissey, carpooling, bachelorette weekend planning, unselfishness, simplicity...
I am getting sleepy due to a couple of contributing factors.
Night,
E
(Sorry for being a slacker when it comes to updating, but this was orignally posted on my myspace 2.1.09)
It will be a month that I remember for quite some time. January has always been a favorite month of mine...
Too tired, a good tired, to figure it all out...
So, like the cool person that I am, I went to the 3 doors down / hinder concert last weekend despite the fact that I was going on 3 hours of sleep (thanks work) and had a raging cold. Wow, the opening band was great! Safetysuit!!! I waited outside in the cold for over an hour (which I'm certain was not good for my persistently pesky runny nose). During this time, my concert companions formed a huddle in order to stay warm. There were great pictures / videos taken with my new camera, great times had by all, and a lot of yelling and letting loose on my part.
Sometimes patience pays off. Blind trust. Exhilaration.
And there was some sadness and worry as well this month. Sadness that I deal with on a daily basis, but in a different way. A personal way. Sadness that I had stupidly considered myself to be immune to and have since discovered that I am not. Some discoveries I wish to not find out. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.
For every negative, a positive exists. Reciprocality (to me) is the hope that things will eventually become better. It is the nature of things.
A snowstorm of blizzard-like proportions would be much appreciated this month. Then I could go sledding again with the newly revived sister and the niece. Oh yeah, and maybe a ski trip could happen too!
It's a shame that after all these years we have gone in opposite directions. Although I'm certain you have some close-minded argument regarding this, I happen to like the way that I have grown better than the direction that you have grown. And I hate that.
I was pleasantly surprised when my bridesmaid dress that I had ordered online was patiently waiting for me upon my arrival from work last week. If I keep constantly consuming Zaxby's as frequently as I have been, it is a definite possibility that I will no longer be able to fit into my dress for Kole's big day.
There is a chance that this year will replace '07 as my best year yet. There is still a lot to look forward to. It doesn't take much to make me happy and I plan to keep it that way.
recap of the month...quickly and vaguely...i hope!
- confetti/foam, live music, sold, learning to teach, Disney decision, fun cooking, reconnecting, partially thawed, closure, new plans, Morissey, carpooling, bachelorette weekend planning, unselfishness, simplicity...
I am getting sleepy due to a couple of contributing factors.
Night,
E
(Sorry for being a slacker when it comes to updating, but this was orignally posted on my myspace 2.1.09)
backwards and forwards and everything in between
I have decided that since I have managed to spend the greater portion of the day blowing my nose, sleeping, and popping pills, the least I could do is write a blog. You're welcome.
Do to my self-medicating, this one might be a little strange. However, you should probably be used to that by now, so no disclaimer is really necessary.
Interestingly enough, the new year is off to a surprising start. Perhaps my being in a constant state of shock all weekend (a good shock) is what contributed to my sickness.
I have to say that I am extremely lucky that I have somehow managed to sell my truck today with minimal to no effort, despite a semi-frozen battery and one super fast pair of windshield wipers. I have learned that I have missed the luxury of having a spare parking spot and that I am unmistakably unfit to be responsible for a truck. It is so weird how life turns out sometimes...
The backwards...
my motivation, my memories, my mistakes
intertwined - It is humbling to think that we are woven together so tightly that this invisible thread that ties us together is impossible to break.
The forwards...
perpetual planning, obscure unknown, higher hopes
preparedness - Timing is the most crucial of the components although they are all important. Opportunities are not always readily available. Sometimes it is imperative to avoid looking back when forward is so far away.
The now...
my luck, my love, my life
serendipity - It is fine time that I learn to enjoy the present rather than allowing myself to dwell so much on the past or on the future. Sometimes, there is nothing like the present to shock you out of your own self-imposed limitations.
Highlights of the week (in a somewhat vague way):
- I bought a really cool new camera to replace my sad Kodak. This way I can properly catch all the funness that is coming my way this year.
- My Chevy went to a good home
- 3-hour conversations / 2-5 year lapses
- 8 year lapses / too little patron
- 4 weeks of freedom from confusion (a little at least)
- don't get me started on the 12 years
- I find that I miss you the most when I am further away from the truth than you are from me.
- finally received closure
- Is it better to pay to fly to Memphis or to carpool with two people I don't really know?
- witnessing a dog get ran over by the car next to me on the way to work one day somehow managed to traumatize me for the remainder of the day.
- finished an excellent book, time to start another
- I seriously win door prizes more often than I lose them. For some reason, luck tends to be on my side. And for this, I am flattered.
- new haircut, new layers
- re watched the same movie with a different person this time and saw it in a completely different way.
- relief of soreness x 2 (haha)
- life would be sad without you
That is all for now. It is time to once again befriend my nasal pump.
Night,
E
(Sorry for being a slacker with updatingback, but this was originally posted on my myspace 1.12.09)
Do to my self-medicating, this one might be a little strange. However, you should probably be used to that by now, so no disclaimer is really necessary.
Interestingly enough, the new year is off to a surprising start. Perhaps my being in a constant state of shock all weekend (a good shock) is what contributed to my sickness.
I have to say that I am extremely lucky that I have somehow managed to sell my truck today with minimal to no effort, despite a semi-frozen battery and one super fast pair of windshield wipers. I have learned that I have missed the luxury of having a spare parking spot and that I am unmistakably unfit to be responsible for a truck. It is so weird how life turns out sometimes...
The backwards...
my motivation, my memories, my mistakes
intertwined - It is humbling to think that we are woven together so tightly that this invisible thread that ties us together is impossible to break.
The forwards...
perpetual planning, obscure unknown, higher hopes
preparedness - Timing is the most crucial of the components although they are all important. Opportunities are not always readily available. Sometimes it is imperative to avoid looking back when forward is so far away.
The now...
my luck, my love, my life
serendipity - It is fine time that I learn to enjoy the present rather than allowing myself to dwell so much on the past or on the future. Sometimes, there is nothing like the present to shock you out of your own self-imposed limitations.
Highlights of the week (in a somewhat vague way):
- I bought a really cool new camera to replace my sad Kodak. This way I can properly catch all the funness that is coming my way this year.
- My Chevy went to a good home
- 3-hour conversations / 2-5 year lapses
- 8 year lapses / too little patron
- 4 weeks of freedom from confusion (a little at least)
- don't get me started on the 12 years
- I find that I miss you the most when I am further away from the truth than you are from me.
- finally received closure
- Is it better to pay to fly to Memphis or to carpool with two people I don't really know?
- witnessing a dog get ran over by the car next to me on the way to work one day somehow managed to traumatize me for the remainder of the day.
- finished an excellent book, time to start another
- I seriously win door prizes more often than I lose them. For some reason, luck tends to be on my side. And for this, I am flattered.
- new haircut, new layers
- re watched the same movie with a different person this time and saw it in a completely different way.
- relief of soreness x 2 (haha)
- life would be sad without you
That is all for now. It is time to once again befriend my nasal pump.
Night,
E
(Sorry for being a slacker with updatingback, but this was originally posted on my myspace 1.12.09)
new year, new lists
Well you will be happy to know that I have taken down my Christmas tree tonight. My living room is back to normal. Life is back to normal, whatever that really means anyway. Unlike last week's blog I will not make this one private.
I am drinking some excellent seasonal beer while listening to old music that I fairly recently was lucky enough to acquire from a friend.
I will now leave you with a couple of lists seeing as how we are coming up on a new year! Unfortunately, I have to work this New Year's, but I suppose I had enough fun last year to make up for it...
Things I have learned this year and others that I should probably have already known:
- the sun can be an evil thing
- sometimes things happen for no particular reason
- sometimes people enter our lives, leave us, only to return again and again...
- it is easier to meet people than it is to say goodbye
- it is necessary to route all cables before proclaiming that a DVD player does not work.
- it is harder to figure out what it is that you want than it is to actually get what you want
- i am much worse at tennis than I previously thought
- higher education isn't all it's cracked up to be
- it is more fun to fly than to drive
- zaxby's is addictive because i want some right now and i'm not even hungry
- i grow tired of things before the newness even has a chance to wear off
- i am seriously the luckiest unlucky person ever
- some things that I used to think were important really aren't
- i don't need a lot of the things i think i need, but i need some of the things i think i want
- family is not always blood-related and you can choose who your family is
- time really does go faster the older you get
- my wants change before i can even make up my mind
- sometimes things are unable to be written or explained or understood
In the spirit of the new year and the time for making lists, I will also leave you with some of my favorite albums of 2008 (in no particular order):
- Snow Patrol A Hundred Million Suns
- Kanye West 808s & Heartbreak
- Coldplay Viva la Vida
- Secondhand Serenade A Twist in my Story
- Linkin Park Minutes to Midnight
- 3 Doors Down 3 Doors Down
- Leona Lewis Spirit
- Jason Mraz We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
- Raine Maida The Hunter's Lullaby
This is all I can think of off the top of my head, but I am certain that I am leaving some out.
I think it's time to go to bed now. I must ensure that some preventative maintenance is done on my Honda in the am. I will leave you with this...
"I'm educated enough to talk myself out of any plan. To deconstruct any fantasy. Explain away any goal. I'm so smart I can negate any dream."
- from Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
Night,
E
(Sorry I am a slacker, but this blog was originally posted on my myspace 12.30.08)
I am drinking some excellent seasonal beer while listening to old music that I fairly recently was lucky enough to acquire from a friend.
I will now leave you with a couple of lists seeing as how we are coming up on a new year! Unfortunately, I have to work this New Year's, but I suppose I had enough fun last year to make up for it...
Things I have learned this year and others that I should probably have already known:
- the sun can be an evil thing
- sometimes things happen for no particular reason
- sometimes people enter our lives, leave us, only to return again and again...
- it is easier to meet people than it is to say goodbye
- it is necessary to route all cables before proclaiming that a DVD player does not work.
- it is harder to figure out what it is that you want than it is to actually get what you want
- i am much worse at tennis than I previously thought
- higher education isn't all it's cracked up to be
- it is more fun to fly than to drive
- zaxby's is addictive because i want some right now and i'm not even hungry
- i grow tired of things before the newness even has a chance to wear off
- i am seriously the luckiest unlucky person ever
- some things that I used to think were important really aren't
- i don't need a lot of the things i think i need, but i need some of the things i think i want
- family is not always blood-related and you can choose who your family is
- time really does go faster the older you get
- my wants change before i can even make up my mind
- sometimes things are unable to be written or explained or understood
In the spirit of the new year and the time for making lists, I will also leave you with some of my favorite albums of 2008 (in no particular order):
- Snow Patrol A Hundred Million Suns
- Kanye West 808s & Heartbreak
- Coldplay Viva la Vida
- Secondhand Serenade A Twist in my Story
- Linkin Park Minutes to Midnight
- 3 Doors Down 3 Doors Down
- Leona Lewis Spirit
- Jason Mraz We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
- Raine Maida The Hunter's Lullaby
This is all I can think of off the top of my head, but I am certain that I am leaving some out.
I think it's time to go to bed now. I must ensure that some preventative maintenance is done on my Honda in the am. I will leave you with this...
"I'm educated enough to talk myself out of any plan. To deconstruct any fantasy. Explain away any goal. I'm so smart I can negate any dream."
- from Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
Night,
E
(Sorry I am a slacker, but this blog was originally posted on my myspace 12.30.08)
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