all good things must come to an end

Originally posted on myspace December 15, 2007


Well, December is halfway over. Soon it will be a new year. That's exciting. This month has unfortunately proved to be very disappointing. I do at least have the hope of better things to come. It is the down times that make the great times that much better. (okay that wasn't very insightful-however, I don't feel the need to apologize.

I discovered at the grocery store tonight that I have serious issues with letting others do things for me. So it was pouring rain and the manager insisted that I pull my car up to the door and let them load my groceries for me. He also gave me his umbrella to use to go out to my car. I understand this was just a customer service type of thing and they were being friendly, but why did it bother me so much? Why are situations like this always so awkward for me? I don't mind one bit to help someone else, but I am somehow forever unable to be on the receiving end of another's kindness. I'm not sure if it is some weird fear of admitting failure of some sort of the dreaded thought that others can sense that I need help. Or maybe it is because I have been conditioned to feel guilty for accepting help of any kind or the idea that I will feel as if I will owe them something in return. I don't know, I'll have to think about that one.

I made some awesome chili tonight. There is enough to last me a good week. However, I might have drank too much during the cooking process. That is perhaps why I am writing tonight.

I am sad to admit that this past month I have been unable to have many deep thoughts. Work stress and lack of sleep have been the main contributing factors to this problem. Also, I find myself unusually absent-minded and distracted. Thankfully, this lack of focus issue is improving. That makes me happy.

There is a sadness that comes with the realization that all things must eventually end. Despite our efforts to continue as things are, change is inevitable. It is called life. However, with this sadness, there is also hope, anticipation, and nervous excitement. It is for these things that I continue to wait.

I am now ready for Christmas. I have shopped, wrapped, decorated, planned, and prepared. This year differs from the others though; I have this weird empty feeling that won't go away. It's more of an uneasiness. I don't like it.

I just saw a commercial advertising a 2007 Chrystler Sebring. Haha, they are expecting someone to pay $18,000 for it. After driving one for ten painful days, I must say that you couldn't pay me to drive one of those. I'd take my paint- infused Honda any day.

Okay, I need to stop now.

Night.