relax.ride.relate.

"I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge and where I walk alone"

- Green Day (duh)


It has been difficult to blog this month, but I'll give it a try anyways. It seems as if I am only able to blog if it is in my standard vague-like fashion. This should be interesting...

Speaking of interesting, life has been rather impressive lately. It's funny how one random act can lead to events that are out of my control. Since I was too little to remember, I have been fighting for control of my life, my emotions, my thoughts, my circumstances...you name it and I have wanted to control it (with reason, I assure you). Maybe I have been wrong this whole time. Damn.

I don't remember this time of year ever being as enjoyable as it is now.

There is just one thought on forgiveness that I find it necessary to throw out there. We are not required to forgive if you are still seemingly unaware of your wrongdoings. This means that you have not changed, that you do not understand, and that you would do the same thing again if placed back in the same situation. This does not mean that I am resentful. I am merely practical, smart, and have boundaries. (yeah, I said it).

My birthday is next week and I am feeling increasingly older. I no longer want what I wanted last year, I no longer get carded when I order a drink, and I can't share a hottub with teenagers without their abrupt departure (not that I minded that one, but you get the point).

I have been vehemently avoiding the plateau only to find that it is perhaps what I have been running towards the whole time. Awesome.

This month and some of last month I have decided / discovered:

- I am just as normal / abnormal as everyone else. Okay fine, I am a little stranger than some.

- My mood is unfortunately determined by the weather.

- Family beach trips are more fun than I would have thought.

- I want to fly to Memphis.

- I could live off seafood and water for the rest of my life. You can turn water into wine, right?

- A food pantry is in the works for Johnson City. Nice work sister.

- Cervical cancer is just as scared of me as I am of it (I hope).

- There have been a large amount of parentheses used in this blog. Hell, they are even in the title.

- I'm not so sure my Honda likes me as much as I like her (yes, she's female). If she liked me she would know that a check engine light is not an acceptable way of communicating with me. Then again, communication has never been one of my strong strengths.

- I do not wish to be cremated and put on display inside of an urn. Also, funeral services are creepy.

- Ants have a special affinity for my apartment and I am beginning to feel dirty.

- If you have to work at things to make them work, you are in fact wasting your time. I realize that this statement does not apply in every setting you may be dreaming up, but it does to me.

I made the unfortunate mistake of thinking that I wouldn't ever have to remedy the problem. Things are quickly able to get out of hand if one or both are not as attentive as necessary.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an ant to go crush...

E