no more discontentment...

This will be the second night in a row that I am posting a blog. That is slightly out of character. Sometimes I enjoy being out of character.

Don't assume that just because the poem I intend to post below is slightly unhappy sounding that I too am unhappy. That would be a false assumption. I don't like false assumptions.

I bought a new cd today. It is refreshing to actually buy a cd that I enjoy listening to all the way through. I think I might be the only one that still actually purchases cds, but I am ok with that. I like it when things are physically mine. (haha, that was cryptic; a lot of my blogs are cryptic).

Why now? I don't understand. You have had a few years, why now? I think I know why, but I will not recognize it. There is too much that I don't know.

If you are not already aware, I have a life list. You should have one too. The other day, someone, whom I will not name, asked me why I choose to call my list a life list instead of a bucket list. First, I said that this was quite the random question. Then, I answered. I prefer to properly refer to my list as one that is focused on living rather than on dying.

No more discontentment.

I finished two papers today. One of which is not due for another month. I know I have a problem. There are much worse problems that I could have, but I choose not to.

While driving my second vehicle today that I still have not fully become acquainted with yet, I noticed the extra-bright low coolant light decided to stay illuminated during my night-time trip to Wal-Mart (yeah, I know, I have a problem). I believe it might be time for me to learn how to take care of a truck. Damn.

Speaking of taking care of things, if you know me, you know that I attempt to take good care of my belongings. Well, I have to confess that I have discovered an exception to this behavior when it comes to my cell phone. The truth is that I hate my cell phone and I think that I purposefully drop it sometimes while secretly hoping that it will break so that I can rationalize buying a new one. Although I am not a real big fan of my phone, I do have to say that it is one durable piece of shit.

I thought about you more than I should have. I am going to stop that. Really. It is not helpful, and I told myself I would put an end to things that were not helpful.

I have to admit that I enjoyed returning to work after my vacation. Don't get me wrong, I dreaded it the night before, but once there, I had some I am so lucky moments. I am lucky.

This one is about more than what it initially appears to be...I don't expect you to know...


imageless, i cover up.
i go blank into the night
search my face that gives me away
from the worry that has left its mark.

hopeless, i give up
i go search, deep into the night
fight everyday with the words
that block the safe way from my sight

careless, i mess up
i go hide, into the ruin
help me put me back together
since i lost the towel i threw in

worthless, I drink up
i go numb, into my solace
leave me alone in this tonight
as i sink below the surface

loveless, i look up
i go run, into the past
trust has fled with the hurtful hands
that have left me alone at last


"Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"
-C.S. Lewis


Goodnight,

E