When I come up with a better title I'll let you know.

There is a lot in this one, but you will have to sort through the ambiguity that is necessary at this time. Good luck with that.

I am sore. I still have a card for a free back massage that for some ungodly reason I have managed to keep for a year without using.

Newness brings me to life. Newness is nothing profound. Newness is why I live.

I thought that after four years I would be better at dealing with death. I am not. It is different when you see the last breath, you feel the last beat, you remember the last words, and you hear the family's cries. It has been a rough week, but still a good week.

There can be no life if there is no death. All things are sadly reciprocated, but all things cannot be duplicated.

Love the hurt that leads you towards the healing, the love, that is not recognized until there has been something lost. Without suffering, it is impossible to fully feel true joy. You have to feel the pain to experience the pleasure. If you seek to eliminate all pain, there will be no hope for happiness.

Sometimes being detached is not distant enough.

When you see that you have all that you need, it is time give away some things...

I live for the randomness for which I am never prepared...

three weeks from now = a much anticipated visit
four weeks from now = a flight to see Kole
I've never been a big fan of countdowns, but my calendar is full of exclamation marks these days! (I believe that sentence warranted an exclamation mark)

-No matter how far deep you think you are, there is always a way out. Unfortunately, you are unable to see this until you stop drowning. In order to stop drowning you must cut off the weight that is dragging you down, fight your way to the surface, and tread water for a little while until you make it to safer surroundings.

-The waves will never be welcoming. They will only pull you further away from land until you lose focus on your surroundings, on life, on you - until your dreams are devoured and you hopes are washed away - forever.

-Life is too short to be bitter and resentful when you can be happy and thankful instead.

Enough on that

You will be happy to know that my faith in humanity has thankfully been restored. It's interesting to me that people have no idea how significant small random acts of kindness can be in someone else's life. Never underestimate the impact that simple gestures can have on others who are watching...you don't always know if someone is watching...

-The second-guessing ends once you come to terms with your choices. The perceived conflict between hatred and pity is enormous, but it diminishes when you are headed in the right direction (away) and when you realize that it doesn't have to be your problem anymore (ever).

I want to be good. Great has preconceived notions and is difficult to maintain over time. I will settle for good.

I am way ahead on all of my assignments for school. It is almost as if I am not in school anymore. I am going to be sad when I'm really not in school anymore.

I have decided to depend on online shopping for my fall wardrobe this year rather than shopping at a mall that chooses to put a Lids in the food court! So far this has been quite successful.

Is it okay to relent simply out of boredness? I need to rely on my instincts because they are always right, but for some reason I have difficulty doing that.

It still frightens me to think of what all I would have missed out on if I had held onto something that was hopeless. I am so lucky.

Believe it or not, I could go for much longer, but I get the feeling that this has been too long.

It's time to go to sleep. Productivity is essential.

Night,

E