putting it all together...

Good morning. The nighttime has been fun. The daytime has been awesome.

I am going to post this first, rather than last. This is a parallel representation of my thoughts. full circle. written tonight. You really don't have to get it, and you shouldn't. There is sarcasm in there that you really shouldn't pick up on. This is probably the most personal, but vague one yet.

little girl is crying
she doesn't know why
she wonders
if hope can fall down from the sky
Hoping everyday for help
to come take her away
she holds on tightly to the hope
that all will be okay

little girl is lost
she never found her place
she wishes
that life wasn't just a waste
fighting eveyday to find
a way to regain control
she discovers strength through the struggles
aimed at deepening the soul

little girl is neglected
she knows no one is there
she is hungry
to find someone who cares
learning everyday to lose
the faith she wants to feel
she looks for love lost long ago
so she can learn it's real

little girl is confused
she never was taught
she believes
that happiness is just a thought
forgetting everyday we fail
to see that truth exists
she retreats back to false security
and ignores what she has missed


I am fighting sleep at the moment. I don't know why I do it. I am clinging onto the last hours of nighttime. my favorite time.

I am working on reducing the number of bottles that are in my freezer.

I watched a good movie today. I have to admit that despite the papers and the presentations, I actually like school. I do not like the added responsibility, but I am restless without it. My instructor e-mailed me today and said nice things. I am not all that accustomed to encouragement. Sweet.

Does anyone really pay attention anymore? Do I?

You would approve and that is one of the deciding factors. I wish you were here to tell me, but you left for reasons that are unknown to me. Maybe pure joy really is a joke.

Did you really mean a month? Soon I won't even remember what you look like.

It takes so much to really appreciate the small successes. At least I have the slightest chance of remembering this and never taking it for granted. It's time for something new. I'm so thankful for halfway points. Downward is so direct.

Forget the blame, forget the bitterness, forget the hate and the disappointment. It is not helpful.

wasted potential, redemption, suffering, uncertainty...

The sense of self is one of the most useful things that can be learned.

I really hate that I tried to impress you and you didn't even notice. I suppose that is typical, but is it completely necessary?

I refuse to feel fear. Why do I push away any hope I have?

I am full of questions tonight.

I wish I could understand your world. We used to be so much alike. You continuously remind me that I am incapable of understanding, but do you get me? Times are changing, distance blocks the pathways to the redemptive process. We have made plans to meet at a point. A scary point for me.

I am a source of hope and comfort to others, but when it comes to my own life, I unintentionally reject comfort and hope. I know this.

On that note, it's time to pass out on my feather bed that was a gift from the bester. thank you.

E