"But let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home"
Hello again and hello to me. We have only met, just recently...
I believe I have talked before about reciprocal relationships (although it was probably so vague that you don't remember). I am finally learning that for every negative, there really is a positive. For once, positivity prevails. I know, I am as shocked as you are. It might have taken longer than necessary to get to it, but get used to it.
The chance to go back. To cancel out. One x One x One.
Maybe happiness is when the positives finally begin to outweigh all of the negatives. Once they have cancelled themselves out, I am afforded the ability to build up the positive experiences...and leave the negative ones behind. There are many, but that is most likely what makes the positives so abundant and so appreciated.
Something has changed and it is drastic - in a really good way. I can't articulate what has changed, what exactly is different, or why I feel this way, but I am different and I am convinced that this is a good thing.
I catch myself smiling for no real reason. I am smiling. I can't help it.
-I know you maybe don't feel like you can, but you can! And you want
to. However, it needs to be when you are ready...I'm not so sure
you'll ever actually feel ready.
I am buying a new computer tomorrow. My current one was a gift to me and it will be given away again.
I enjoy it when people cook me meals.
I enjoy familiarity coupled with newness.
I enjoy reuniting every few weeks.
I enjoy.
There are many pictures that will one day make it to my site. I had an especially disastrous experience at the local Walgreens this week that made me never want to look at another picture again. Although I did receive several discounts, some extra cds, and a bunch of pictures of some family's Christmas dinner whom I do not know and never will know, I have finally received my prints. One day, I will upload them. However, I am more of a fan of facebook these days.
Where exactly did you go? Why so detached?
I am so proud of you. You have always been and continue to be my example of normalcy (funny, i know). What's even funnier is that I needed one...
I think (at the moment), my life:
roses...not the kind you're thinking of, fettucini, freedom, 8%, notepad, gorillas, document!, expanding E, no detachment, texting, positivity, correspondence, permanance, job offers, wedding registries, released...
We don't have to be alike. Eventually we all become the same...
Night,
E
Thursday, February 19, 2009
plastic swords + fried pickles = my weekend recap
Good Monday to you and what good times have been had.
"What if what I want makes you sad at me?"
Well, this persistently perky mood of mine has fortunately decided to stick around for the past couple of weeks. Perhaps I am shooting for a record here...
Because it would set a record for me. And that is cool. So, anyways, I will just go with it.
Maybe it is a good thing not being in school anymore. Maybe I am exiting my unnecessary but unavoidable panic mode a little prematurely than planned. That is a good thing. However, I have discovered that i now have an intense urge to move. That might be a good thing as well.
Well, I'm certain that it feels like a lot. It is a lot. However, there is much more that must be taken into consideration if staying is what you choose to do. It is difficult when particular situations only allow you to see from one perspective. From my angle, there is only one real option, but that is just me and you are you.
Awkward conversation between the awesome Sears tire guy and myself.
Tire guy: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Um, I believe I need two new tires. I am not good with tires and don't know which two need replacing - here is my receipt from last year."
Tire guy: "Wow, you may not know tires, but you are good at keeping up with things!"
Me: "Yes, yes I am"
A few highlights from the weekend and of life in general :
Fun, random night in with fun, random people. You really can't go wrong when monopoly, twister, homemade long island teas, panda shot glasses, and cheap plastic swords are involved.
New cds + great weather = amazingly nice 3-hour drives
There's nothing like a roadtrip to Chattanooga to help revive the days that existed before $400 plane tickets to Memphis became a necessity.
Falling asleep for the first time on someone's back on a crappy futon while watching "The Dark Knight" for the third time, might have made it the best time.
Eating some excellent chicken fries and fried pickles at an excellent establishment.
New tires for the old Honda!
Unexpected Valentine's Day visit plans. I relearned today that I love buying presents. Hopefully I won't get called in that night.
Helping, although in a rather small way, with the wedding plans.
Too many phone calls. Too many of a lot of things.
I have learned that I am unable to do much of anything the traditional way these days. That's not really a bad thing.
A trip to the best Japanese restaurant with the best friend ever. Fortune cookie - "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!"
A return to normalcy that I actually look forward to and enjoy. There is no longer a need to want to escape and for that I will always be thankful.
There is so much more that I can't seem to remember. Maybe later...
That's all for now.
Life is good, so good night to you,
E
(Sorry I am a slacker, but this was originally posted on my myspace 2.9.09)
"What if what I want makes you sad at me?"
Well, this persistently perky mood of mine has fortunately decided to stick around for the past couple of weeks. Perhaps I am shooting for a record here...
Because it would set a record for me. And that is cool. So, anyways, I will just go with it.
Maybe it is a good thing not being in school anymore. Maybe I am exiting my unnecessary but unavoidable panic mode a little prematurely than planned. That is a good thing. However, I have discovered that i now have an intense urge to move. That might be a good thing as well.
Well, I'm certain that it feels like a lot. It is a lot. However, there is much more that must be taken into consideration if staying is what you choose to do. It is difficult when particular situations only allow you to see from one perspective. From my angle, there is only one real option, but that is just me and you are you.
Awkward conversation between the awesome Sears tire guy and myself.
Tire guy: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Um, I believe I need two new tires. I am not good with tires and don't know which two need replacing - here is my receipt from last year."
Tire guy: "Wow, you may not know tires, but you are good at keeping up with things!"
Me: "Yes, yes I am"
A few highlights from the weekend and of life in general :
Fun, random night in with fun, random people. You really can't go wrong when monopoly, twister, homemade long island teas, panda shot glasses, and cheap plastic swords are involved.
New cds + great weather = amazingly nice 3-hour drives
There's nothing like a roadtrip to Chattanooga to help revive the days that existed before $400 plane tickets to Memphis became a necessity.
Falling asleep for the first time on someone's back on a crappy futon while watching "The Dark Knight" for the third time, might have made it the best time.
Eating some excellent chicken fries and fried pickles at an excellent establishment.
New tires for the old Honda!
Unexpected Valentine's Day visit plans. I relearned today that I love buying presents. Hopefully I won't get called in that night.
Helping, although in a rather small way, with the wedding plans.
Too many phone calls. Too many of a lot of things.
I have learned that I am unable to do much of anything the traditional way these days. That's not really a bad thing.
A trip to the best Japanese restaurant with the best friend ever. Fortune cookie - "Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!"
A return to normalcy that I actually look forward to and enjoy. There is no longer a need to want to escape and for that I will always be thankful.
There is so much more that I can't seem to remember. Maybe later...
That's all for now.
Life is good, so good night to you,
E
(Sorry I am a slacker, but this was originally posted on my myspace 2.9.09)
detaching vs reconnecting
January is over. I hope February is even better...if that's even possible...
It will be a month that I remember for quite some time. January has always been a favorite month of mine...
Too tired, a good tired, to figure it all out...
So, like the cool person that I am, I went to the 3 doors down / hinder concert last weekend despite the fact that I was going on 3 hours of sleep (thanks work) and had a raging cold. Wow, the opening band was great! Safetysuit!!! I waited outside in the cold for over an hour (which I'm certain was not good for my persistently pesky runny nose). During this time, my concert companions formed a huddle in order to stay warm. There were great pictures / videos taken with my new camera, great times had by all, and a lot of yelling and letting loose on my part.
Sometimes patience pays off. Blind trust. Exhilaration.
And there was some sadness and worry as well this month. Sadness that I deal with on a daily basis, but in a different way. A personal way. Sadness that I had stupidly considered myself to be immune to and have since discovered that I am not. Some discoveries I wish to not find out. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.
For every negative, a positive exists. Reciprocality (to me) is the hope that things will eventually become better. It is the nature of things.
A snowstorm of blizzard-like proportions would be much appreciated this month. Then I could go sledding again with the newly revived sister and the niece. Oh yeah, and maybe a ski trip could happen too!
It's a shame that after all these years we have gone in opposite directions. Although I'm certain you have some close-minded argument regarding this, I happen to like the way that I have grown better than the direction that you have grown. And I hate that.
I was pleasantly surprised when my bridesmaid dress that I had ordered online was patiently waiting for me upon my arrival from work last week. If I keep constantly consuming Zaxby's as frequently as I have been, it is a definite possibility that I will no longer be able to fit into my dress for Kole's big day.
There is a chance that this year will replace '07 as my best year yet. There is still a lot to look forward to. It doesn't take much to make me happy and I plan to keep it that way.
recap of the month...quickly and vaguely...i hope!
- confetti/foam, live music, sold, learning to teach, Disney decision, fun cooking, reconnecting, partially thawed, closure, new plans, Morissey, carpooling, bachelorette weekend planning, unselfishness, simplicity...
I am getting sleepy due to a couple of contributing factors.
Night,
E
(Sorry for being a slacker when it comes to updating, but this was orignally posted on my myspace 2.1.09)
It will be a month that I remember for quite some time. January has always been a favorite month of mine...
Too tired, a good tired, to figure it all out...
So, like the cool person that I am, I went to the 3 doors down / hinder concert last weekend despite the fact that I was going on 3 hours of sleep (thanks work) and had a raging cold. Wow, the opening band was great! Safetysuit!!! I waited outside in the cold for over an hour (which I'm certain was not good for my persistently pesky runny nose). During this time, my concert companions formed a huddle in order to stay warm. There were great pictures / videos taken with my new camera, great times had by all, and a lot of yelling and letting loose on my part.
Sometimes patience pays off. Blind trust. Exhilaration.
And there was some sadness and worry as well this month. Sadness that I deal with on a daily basis, but in a different way. A personal way. Sadness that I had stupidly considered myself to be immune to and have since discovered that I am not. Some discoveries I wish to not find out. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.
For every negative, a positive exists. Reciprocality (to me) is the hope that things will eventually become better. It is the nature of things.
A snowstorm of blizzard-like proportions would be much appreciated this month. Then I could go sledding again with the newly revived sister and the niece. Oh yeah, and maybe a ski trip could happen too!
It's a shame that after all these years we have gone in opposite directions. Although I'm certain you have some close-minded argument regarding this, I happen to like the way that I have grown better than the direction that you have grown. And I hate that.
I was pleasantly surprised when my bridesmaid dress that I had ordered online was patiently waiting for me upon my arrival from work last week. If I keep constantly consuming Zaxby's as frequently as I have been, it is a definite possibility that I will no longer be able to fit into my dress for Kole's big day.
There is a chance that this year will replace '07 as my best year yet. There is still a lot to look forward to. It doesn't take much to make me happy and I plan to keep it that way.
recap of the month...quickly and vaguely...i hope!
- confetti/foam, live music, sold, learning to teach, Disney decision, fun cooking, reconnecting, partially thawed, closure, new plans, Morissey, carpooling, bachelorette weekend planning, unselfishness, simplicity...
I am getting sleepy due to a couple of contributing factors.
Night,
E
(Sorry for being a slacker when it comes to updating, but this was orignally posted on my myspace 2.1.09)
backwards and forwards and everything in between
I have decided that since I have managed to spend the greater portion of the day blowing my nose, sleeping, and popping pills, the least I could do is write a blog. You're welcome.
Do to my self-medicating, this one might be a little strange. However, you should probably be used to that by now, so no disclaimer is really necessary.
Interestingly enough, the new year is off to a surprising start. Perhaps my being in a constant state of shock all weekend (a good shock) is what contributed to my sickness.
I have to say that I am extremely lucky that I have somehow managed to sell my truck today with minimal to no effort, despite a semi-frozen battery and one super fast pair of windshield wipers. I have learned that I have missed the luxury of having a spare parking spot and that I am unmistakably unfit to be responsible for a truck. It is so weird how life turns out sometimes...
The backwards...
my motivation, my memories, my mistakes
intertwined - It is humbling to think that we are woven together so tightly that this invisible thread that ties us together is impossible to break.
The forwards...
perpetual planning, obscure unknown, higher hopes
preparedness - Timing is the most crucial of the components although they are all important. Opportunities are not always readily available. Sometimes it is imperative to avoid looking back when forward is so far away.
The now...
my luck, my love, my life
serendipity - It is fine time that I learn to enjoy the present rather than allowing myself to dwell so much on the past or on the future. Sometimes, there is nothing like the present to shock you out of your own self-imposed limitations.
Highlights of the week (in a somewhat vague way):
- I bought a really cool new camera to replace my sad Kodak. This way I can properly catch all the funness that is coming my way this year.
- My Chevy went to a good home
- 3-hour conversations / 2-5 year lapses
- 8 year lapses / too little patron
- 4 weeks of freedom from confusion (a little at least)
- don't get me started on the 12 years
- I find that I miss you the most when I am further away from the truth than you are from me.
- finally received closure
- Is it better to pay to fly to Memphis or to carpool with two people I don't really know?
- witnessing a dog get ran over by the car next to me on the way to work one day somehow managed to traumatize me for the remainder of the day.
- finished an excellent book, time to start another
- I seriously win door prizes more often than I lose them. For some reason, luck tends to be on my side. And for this, I am flattered.
- new haircut, new layers
- re watched the same movie with a different person this time and saw it in a completely different way.
- relief of soreness x 2 (haha)
- life would be sad without you
That is all for now. It is time to once again befriend my nasal pump.
Night,
E
(Sorry for being a slacker with updatingback, but this was originally posted on my myspace 1.12.09)
Do to my self-medicating, this one might be a little strange. However, you should probably be used to that by now, so no disclaimer is really necessary.
Interestingly enough, the new year is off to a surprising start. Perhaps my being in a constant state of shock all weekend (a good shock) is what contributed to my sickness.
I have to say that I am extremely lucky that I have somehow managed to sell my truck today with minimal to no effort, despite a semi-frozen battery and one super fast pair of windshield wipers. I have learned that I have missed the luxury of having a spare parking spot and that I am unmistakably unfit to be responsible for a truck. It is so weird how life turns out sometimes...
The backwards...
my motivation, my memories, my mistakes
intertwined - It is humbling to think that we are woven together so tightly that this invisible thread that ties us together is impossible to break.
The forwards...
perpetual planning, obscure unknown, higher hopes
preparedness - Timing is the most crucial of the components although they are all important. Opportunities are not always readily available. Sometimes it is imperative to avoid looking back when forward is so far away.
The now...
my luck, my love, my life
serendipity - It is fine time that I learn to enjoy the present rather than allowing myself to dwell so much on the past or on the future. Sometimes, there is nothing like the present to shock you out of your own self-imposed limitations.
Highlights of the week (in a somewhat vague way):
- I bought a really cool new camera to replace my sad Kodak. This way I can properly catch all the funness that is coming my way this year.
- My Chevy went to a good home
- 3-hour conversations / 2-5 year lapses
- 8 year lapses / too little patron
- 4 weeks of freedom from confusion (a little at least)
- don't get me started on the 12 years
- I find that I miss you the most when I am further away from the truth than you are from me.
- finally received closure
- Is it better to pay to fly to Memphis or to carpool with two people I don't really know?
- witnessing a dog get ran over by the car next to me on the way to work one day somehow managed to traumatize me for the remainder of the day.
- finished an excellent book, time to start another
- I seriously win door prizes more often than I lose them. For some reason, luck tends to be on my side. And for this, I am flattered.
- new haircut, new layers
- re watched the same movie with a different person this time and saw it in a completely different way.
- relief of soreness x 2 (haha)
- life would be sad without you
That is all for now. It is time to once again befriend my nasal pump.
Night,
E
(Sorry for being a slacker with updatingback, but this was originally posted on my myspace 1.12.09)
new year, new lists
Well you will be happy to know that I have taken down my Christmas tree tonight. My living room is back to normal. Life is back to normal, whatever that really means anyway. Unlike last week's blog I will not make this one private.
I am drinking some excellent seasonal beer while listening to old music that I fairly recently was lucky enough to acquire from a friend.
I will now leave you with a couple of lists seeing as how we are coming up on a new year! Unfortunately, I have to work this New Year's, but I suppose I had enough fun last year to make up for it...
Things I have learned this year and others that I should probably have already known:
- the sun can be an evil thing
- sometimes things happen for no particular reason
- sometimes people enter our lives, leave us, only to return again and again...
- it is easier to meet people than it is to say goodbye
- it is necessary to route all cables before proclaiming that a DVD player does not work.
- it is harder to figure out what it is that you want than it is to actually get what you want
- i am much worse at tennis than I previously thought
- higher education isn't all it's cracked up to be
- it is more fun to fly than to drive
- zaxby's is addictive because i want some right now and i'm not even hungry
- i grow tired of things before the newness even has a chance to wear off
- i am seriously the luckiest unlucky person ever
- some things that I used to think were important really aren't
- i don't need a lot of the things i think i need, but i need some of the things i think i want
- family is not always blood-related and you can choose who your family is
- time really does go faster the older you get
- my wants change before i can even make up my mind
- sometimes things are unable to be written or explained or understood
In the spirit of the new year and the time for making lists, I will also leave you with some of my favorite albums of 2008 (in no particular order):
- Snow Patrol A Hundred Million Suns
- Kanye West 808s & Heartbreak
- Coldplay Viva la Vida
- Secondhand Serenade A Twist in my Story
- Linkin Park Minutes to Midnight
- 3 Doors Down 3 Doors Down
- Leona Lewis Spirit
- Jason Mraz We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
- Raine Maida The Hunter's Lullaby
This is all I can think of off the top of my head, but I am certain that I am leaving some out.
I think it's time to go to bed now. I must ensure that some preventative maintenance is done on my Honda in the am. I will leave you with this...
"I'm educated enough to talk myself out of any plan. To deconstruct any fantasy. Explain away any goal. I'm so smart I can negate any dream."
- from Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
Night,
E
(Sorry I am a slacker, but this blog was originally posted on my myspace 12.30.08)
I am drinking some excellent seasonal beer while listening to old music that I fairly recently was lucky enough to acquire from a friend.
I will now leave you with a couple of lists seeing as how we are coming up on a new year! Unfortunately, I have to work this New Year's, but I suppose I had enough fun last year to make up for it...
Things I have learned this year and others that I should probably have already known:
- the sun can be an evil thing
- sometimes things happen for no particular reason
- sometimes people enter our lives, leave us, only to return again and again...
- it is easier to meet people than it is to say goodbye
- it is necessary to route all cables before proclaiming that a DVD player does not work.
- it is harder to figure out what it is that you want than it is to actually get what you want
- i am much worse at tennis than I previously thought
- higher education isn't all it's cracked up to be
- it is more fun to fly than to drive
- zaxby's is addictive because i want some right now and i'm not even hungry
- i grow tired of things before the newness even has a chance to wear off
- i am seriously the luckiest unlucky person ever
- some things that I used to think were important really aren't
- i don't need a lot of the things i think i need, but i need some of the things i think i want
- family is not always blood-related and you can choose who your family is
- time really does go faster the older you get
- my wants change before i can even make up my mind
- sometimes things are unable to be written or explained or understood
In the spirit of the new year and the time for making lists, I will also leave you with some of my favorite albums of 2008 (in no particular order):
- Snow Patrol A Hundred Million Suns
- Kanye West 808s & Heartbreak
- Coldplay Viva la Vida
- Secondhand Serenade A Twist in my Story
- Linkin Park Minutes to Midnight
- 3 Doors Down 3 Doors Down
- Leona Lewis Spirit
- Jason Mraz We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.
- Raine Maida The Hunter's Lullaby
This is all I can think of off the top of my head, but I am certain that I am leaving some out.
I think it's time to go to bed now. I must ensure that some preventative maintenance is done on my Honda in the am. I will leave you with this...
"I'm educated enough to talk myself out of any plan. To deconstruct any fantasy. Explain away any goal. I'm so smart I can negate any dream."
- from Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
Night,
E
(Sorry I am a slacker, but this blog was originally posted on my myspace 12.30.08)
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