working out and working in

"Seems like streetlights glowing happen to be just like moments passing in front of me..."

Well good evening to you. What a good weekend it was and a good week it will be. At the moment I am listening to perhaps my greatest music playlist so far and wondering why I am still feeling an increased level of frustration despite a three hour workout at the gym today.

Don't get me wrong, I am in a good mood, I just can't seem to get my thoughts/feelings in order or come to any real conclusions about anything in relation to too many things. Usually working out helps me with this, but for whatever reason, it has apparently failed me today. It is not that bad.

Speaking of the gym, I have to tell you a story about this man who was working out today. Now, keep in mind that I do not sit there and make fun of people working out because I applaud anyone who attempts to be healthy. However, this man was asking for it! I was distracted from my thinking and listening to old Evanescence to notice that he was prancing around the center of the gym on his tiptoes, doing lunge-like movements, and twirling a barbell (with no weight on it) as if it was a baton. In addition to this, he was wearing short black and blue spandex shorts and had a towel, presumably to wipe up his increasing back sweat, tucked into his spandex. Then he went over to a rail, which was awfully close to this other poor man who was on a bike and began doing push ups while holding onto the rail. All I could see was this super-tight spandex ass going up and down, over and over again. For a second, I felt bad when I actually laughed out loud, but then I noticed that the woman on the elliptical next to me was laughing as well.

Anyways, enough on the gym and on to more important things...

I am planning on ordering a variety of books to read and add to my small collection since I am finished with school for the time being. Do you have any recommendations? I have decided on two so far, but plan on ordering at least four.

How can I go forwards if I don't know which way forward is? Because I think I am following you backwards and that can not be a good thing. My patience and progress is being replaced with anger and resentment. This will have to end.

It appears as if the burning, red rash on my hands is not the only unexpected thing to resurface this month. It is interesting how sometimes a seemingly painful and confusing experience in life can ultimately end up effecting us, shaping us, and changing us forever. It is not until later that we realize it has left its lasting imprint, its mark, and that we no longer want it removed.

new normal. new hope. new life. new start.

damn fire. damn dreams. damn expectations. damn you.

no conclusions, no clock, no answers, no help, no hope, no more...

If you ignore me in the daylight,
I will be gone in the moonlight.
All that's left will be a shadow,
of the things that could have been.
And if you use me in the mean time,
I will leave you now this last time.
All that shines will be the new light,
of the hope that brings me new life.

I think I am done for now. The laundry isn't going to fold itself...

E