"Art never comes from happiness"

"Art never comes from happiness"

- Chuck Palahniuk

Last year I posted a blog a little before Christmas. Last year I said that something didn't feel right this year. Unfortunately, I was right and soon what was the best year of my life would take a turn for the worse. Not too long after this, my step dad (who is and was my dad) died unexpectedly from acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis. Just a month before that he was protecting me from the bastard(s) who thought it would be a good idea to put paint in the gas tank of my Honda. I was unaware that only a month later he would die unprotected and defenseless in a hospital bed in the ICU from an illness that quickly crept upon him and showed him no remorse. This left him and us with his worldly dreams, desires, and hopes forever unfulfilled despite the three unsuccessful attempts to bring him back life. All of which I stood and watched powerless and helpless to alter the outcome as I have before with so many of my patients. This memory will haunt the holidays forever. The link to familial normalcy was severed at this point. The holidays should be a happy time, a festive time, and they will continue to be so if it's the last thing that I do. My tree looks nice with all of its presents underneath it and all of its ornaments adorning it, the sausage balls have been prepared, and the turkey is ready for tomorrow. At this time, I will attempt the normalcy that I have craved my whole life. And, in a passable attempt at being festive, I will gather with my family, all 4.5 of us, and I will reach for the unobtainable. We will cook, we will smile, and we will unwrap gifts. Despite my determination to regain something that has never existed anyway, the holidays are and will be forever different. Although the family has never been normal, we are changed forever. And here I am.

"It's funny how the beauty of art has so much more to do with the frame than with the artwork itself"

- Chuck Palahniuk

I really am a happy person. I just needed to vent. Thanks.

Merry Christmas,

E