sunshine and fun times...

"Happiness is just outside my window.
I thought it'd crash blowing eighty miles an hour.
But happiness is a little more like knocking.
On your door, you just let it in."


- "Happiness" The Fray (yay!)


Blogs are more abundant these days, it seems...

The sun shines brighter when we allow it to. We envision what we want too.

So, as I've mentioned several times already, this year is hardcore in the running as being named my 'best year ever' (out of 25, whoa). Although it has little competition, there is no reason to assume that this should be an easy victory.

This month and a portion of last month have greatly increased the odds.

I like:

- sunny days by the pool
- reading new (old) books
- when great food is grilled
- new flat irons
- kicking ass in chess
- arm veins
- wedding receptions
- E necklaces
- monogrammed bags
- new cds (hey two songs are good)
- the idea of skydiving
- getting the first one out of the way
- organizing my closets
- selling my burden of an elliptical
- buying gifts
- the beginning
- new months
- keeping up with the old and loving the new

So, I've recently acquired a house pet. And by house pet, i mean an outdoor spider. His name is Colin. Despite the fact that I knock the web in front of my door down on a daily basis, he comes back and weaves a web even more intricate than the last. I can't help but feel as if he is protecting my home (cracked paint job doors and all) and me. I can find symbolism in anything. That's just how I am.

Now, if only he had an affinity for ants...then I would welcome him inside warmly.

Hey, maybe I will be ready when you are ready for round number two. It would be about time.

If I lessen control, if I open up...does that make me weak really? All along I have been wrong. It in fact takes strength to allow such vulnerability. I am vulnerable.

The wedding last week was quite the success. The reunion in Chattanooga was different on many levels, but different is good.

It is amazing what effect the sun has on my mood. Oh yeah, and you. Yes you.

I am hoping to cross off another item on my Life List in about two weeks. Can you say 45-second freefall. I can.

It is time to say good night. The night is not nearly over...

E

my view

Higher ground, but not enough away
to catch a clearer view.

From my spot, I spot a way
to show me what I should do.

So I throw a rock from my place
to see how far it can fall.

Since from this space, I now may face
a fate I've only tried to stall.

Watching now, I watch and wait
as my rock's released in flight.

It lands unscathed as if to say
this place is quite alright!

relax.ride.relate.

"I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge and where I walk alone"

- Green Day (duh)


It has been difficult to blog this month, but I'll give it a try anyways. It seems as if I am only able to blog if it is in my standard vague-like fashion. This should be interesting...

Speaking of interesting, life has been rather impressive lately. It's funny how one random act can lead to events that are out of my control. Since I was too little to remember, I have been fighting for control of my life, my emotions, my thoughts, my circumstances...you name it and I have wanted to control it (with reason, I assure you). Maybe I have been wrong this whole time. Damn.

I don't remember this time of year ever being as enjoyable as it is now.

There is just one thought on forgiveness that I find it necessary to throw out there. We are not required to forgive if you are still seemingly unaware of your wrongdoings. This means that you have not changed, that you do not understand, and that you would do the same thing again if placed back in the same situation. This does not mean that I am resentful. I am merely practical, smart, and have boundaries. (yeah, I said it).

My birthday is next week and I am feeling increasingly older. I no longer want what I wanted last year, I no longer get carded when I order a drink, and I can't share a hottub with teenagers without their abrupt departure (not that I minded that one, but you get the point).

I have been vehemently avoiding the plateau only to find that it is perhaps what I have been running towards the whole time. Awesome.

This month and some of last month I have decided / discovered:

- I am just as normal / abnormal as everyone else. Okay fine, I am a little stranger than some.

- My mood is unfortunately determined by the weather.

- Family beach trips are more fun than I would have thought.

- I want to fly to Memphis.

- I could live off seafood and water for the rest of my life. You can turn water into wine, right?

- A food pantry is in the works for Johnson City. Nice work sister.

- Cervical cancer is just as scared of me as I am of it (I hope).

- There have been a large amount of parentheses used in this blog. Hell, they are even in the title.

- I'm not so sure my Honda likes me as much as I like her (yes, she's female). If she liked me she would know that a check engine light is not an acceptable way of communicating with me. Then again, communication has never been one of my strong strengths.

- I do not wish to be cremated and put on display inside of an urn. Also, funeral services are creepy.

- Ants have a special affinity for my apartment and I am beginning to feel dirty.

- If you have to work at things to make them work, you are in fact wasting your time. I realize that this statement does not apply in every setting you may be dreaming up, but it does to me.

I made the unfortunate mistake of thinking that I wouldn't ever have to remedy the problem. Things are quickly able to get out of hand if one or both are not as attentive as necessary.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an ant to go crush...

E